Another three month check is behind me. There is still no sign of recurrent cancer. When I got the news last week I felt like celebrating. Lucky the weekend was coming up. Perhaps after July I will only need to go through the anxiety every 6 months. In May John and I will travel to Turkey with 7 or 8 others as guests of Pacifica Institute. Once we arrive in Istanbul we will put ourselves in our guide's hands and leave the rest to him. Intriguing e-mails about Ottoman history show up in my in box every 2 or 3 days. I must admit I know little about the country. Not too long after our return we head to Taiwan on the trip we missed last year due to my cancer diagnosis. Taipei has some marvelous museums. John will have meetings with officials having to do with international trade. What a difference a year makes. On April 21st I had my tumor removed, easy to remember as it was also the day of the explosion leading to the huge Gulf oil spill. I have vague memories of viewing footage of the burning platform as I recovered from the anesthetic. The Gulf and I both had a rough summer. I continue to be thankful for every day, my weight has almost returned to pre-cancer levels (boo), my neuropathy really is improving and gardening season is here. What more could I ask for?

Someone told me the other day that my sense of humor is better than it used to be. I do seem to be taking more time to enjoy both work and play as a result of my fight with the "bear."

A bear is a more fitting mascot for cancer than a crab. I think of crab as dinner, not as a threat. Treatment does seem to pluck you from the jaws of death, but not until a little mauling has occurred. It takes a while for the wounds to heal, and at any time you might meet the bear again along the way.

The exam at my surgeon's office this month was normal. Another CT scan is due in mid April along with another Ca 125. I alternate between feeling sure I am still cancer free and wondering what the treatment will be like if the tumor returns. April also marks the first anniversary of my diagnosis. I'll be wearing a bell to scare away any bears.

More great news! My CT scan and Ca 125 results are still normal!

Strangely, after half expecting an early recurrence, suddenly I must live assuming myself to be cancer free. Long term plans can be made with some expectation that I will see them come to fruition. I can't ignore my cholesterol any more. I'll miss those occasional hamburgers and fries. And I really need to return to exercising.

With the recent abnormally warm weather (record high temperature this past Sunday) I've been called to the garden. Lola loves having the chance to chase a tennis ball, too. The front yard is going to be so manicured by springtime... The squirrels are everywhere, searching for walnuts buried in the fall and eating the berries still remaining on our bushes. Even the birds are starting to get noisier.

Next testing, April.

Kay

A brown and gold squirrel is munching on a nut, sitting on a branch of our walnut tree. He looked down for a moment and then dropped the nut. I guess you shouldn't take for granted what you have in your grasp as it's all to easy to lose it. More mundanely, it reminds me of the effect of neuropathy on our dishes. John is threatening to buy all plastic plates and glasses.

Working part time continues to be rewarding and not overly tiring. I do admit to several long afternoon naps. It is a lovely time to return to work as most everyone is in the Christmas spirit. Sweet treats are everywhere. which is why my weight is rapidly returning to normal.

Tonight we will sing at the Christmas Eve service and John will sing a solo at the 11 PM service. Tomorrow, bright and early, we will drive to Boise to visit Caitlin, taking gifts from us and from her grandmother. We'll then share dinner and a relaxing evening.

Merry Christmas!

I'm really excited to be back at work. Yesterday was my first day. I have missed my patients and all the people I have worked with for so long. Instead of being tired at the end of a half day I was energized. So much so that it was hard to go to sleep last night. (But hard to get up this morning for an 8AM start.) Things are going well except for occasional clumsiness resulting in near falls.

Focusing on someone or something other than myself certainly has allowed me to forget about my fears and current symptoms. Being back at work has made me feel joyful, a phenomenon I did not expect. Appropriate for the Holiday season, don't you think?

Kay

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Not only does the ritual of counting my blessings appeal to me, but what could be better than a holiday centered around family and food. Since John's and my relatives are far away we have enjoyed recent Thanksgivings with friends and their various children and parents.

This year I have special reasons for giving thanks. I have emerged from my initial skirmish with cancer feeling well and ready to return to work. More importantly, I have learned the significance of the support and kindness of friends and family. Rare were the days last summer that I received neither a card, call or e-mail full of prayers and good wishes for my recovery. You all have my heartfelt thanks for helping me through this difficult time.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL!

The exciting news is that I am returning to work part time in December. To prepare for that I am learning Dragon, a voice recognition program so I can communicate with the electronic medical record. Due to the neuropathy my typing is terrible so using a microphone instead of the keyboard will help.

My sources suggest that the neuropathy from chemo is most intense 3-4 months after the last treatment, then in most cases it improves. Good news, but for now I have trouble with buttons and zippers. I can't feel my dog licking the side of my foot.

On the other hand, my endurance seems back to normal. Now I must exercise to improve my strength. Looks like I will be spending time in the gym this winter.

John and I enjoyed a recent trip to Coeur d'Alene where we toured north Idaho businesses with other state legislators. Silverwood's story is inspiring. We also learned about Boundary county; sounds like a great place to vacation.

We're looking forward to our trip to California to visit my mom. We haven't seen her since my diagnosis.

Kay