Alleluia

I completed my 18 week course of chemotherapy in late March and recovered quickly from the minimal side effects.  No hair loss!   John and I celebrated the end with a trip to Hawaii.  The warm breezes and beautiful sunsets were very healing.  Unfortunately my Ca125 tumor marker was still mildly elevated though much improved.  The PET scan showed no evidence of cancer; everyone at the cancer clinic was amazed! Now I will be receiving Avastin infusions every 3 weeks for maintenance treatment.  Luckily it has no significant side effects.

I am back to work full time now with almost full energy.

Then today I learned that my Ca 125 is in the normal range for the first time in over 18 months!  Alleluia!

Here we go again.

I can't believe it has been over a year since I have posted anything.  At that time  was aware that I had a chemical recurrence but no other signs of the cancer.  So I waited, remaining free of symptoms.
But I kept busy.  In March, Caitlin and I met in San Francisco for our second annual girl's weekend with my mom.  In April, John and I drove back and forth to Missoula where my 90-year-old aunt was hospitalized following colon cancer surgery.  She is back in Salmon now and doing well.
In July John spoke to a meeting in Anchorage where I joined him as spouse.  While there we took a day long glacier tour of Prince William Sound.
I was still feeling great.
The end of July we flew to Budapest where we boarded a river boat headed to Amsterdam.  The next two weeks were filled with great food and sites along the Danube, Main and Rhine rivers.  It was HOT!! Over 100 degrees for the first few days of the cruise.  Sampling local beers at each stop kept us cooled down.  Though I enjoyed it all, my favorite experience of the trip was climbing up a 400 year old windmill in Holland.
Still no symptoms.
On return from Germany we decided to get a dog having been pet free since  the lovely lab Lola  died at Christmastime.  Robby, a 10 pound terrier mix, came home with us from the animal shelter.  He is affectionate, energetic, well behaved and requires several walks a day.  Mom calls him the perfect dog, and he just about is.
In October we joined John's brother and sister-in-law in Boston for the annual brother's get-together.  Managed to enjoy a lot of marvelous food and wine, some great fall foliage and big city culture. Highlights included John Singer Sargent's water colors at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts and the "Three Baritone's" production down town.
We returned home and I still had no symptoms.
However, during my second routine colonoscopy a tumor was found squeezing my intestinal tract down to a tiny passage way. This proved to be ovarian cancer declaring its presence again.  Before I knew it I was in Spokane again having an operation to remove the cancer and parts of my small and large intestines.
Maybe some of the occasional pain I was having in my lower right side was not just constipation.
My course was complicated by a re-admission for partial small bowel obstruction .During the hospital stay one of my friends looked at me and remarked, "It is not as easy the second time, is it?"
Which was precisely how I was feeling.
Now I am home, recovering well, eating and without significant pain.  And ready to fight the Bear again.

It's back

A few months before my diagnosis of ovarian cancer John and I visited Santa Fe for a conference.  Along with a red corn necklace and a bundle of sage I brought home a small carved bear that seemed to fit well in my pocket.  After my diagnosis a friend sent me a card with a black bear on the cover and a message about my struggle with "the bear."  I have since kept both bears close to remind me how cancer can lurk in the background, unseen and un-felt but still dangerous.
Then, in August, after my return from a wonderful family reunion and wedding, my Ca 125 tumor marker started to rise.  It continues to do so despite normal CT scans.  At my last appointment I heard that I officially have a recurrence of ovarian cancer, what is known as a chemical recurrence, but a recurrence none-the-less.  The bear is back.  Meanwhile I feel well, continue to work 4 days a week, enjoy bicycling and have no loss of energy.  Hmmmm.
Now starts the wait for the development of symptoms or findings on CT scan that will indicate the need for more chemotherapy.  There is no advantage to being treated with only a chemical recurrence.  Every ache or pain is suspect now, every plan for the future tentative. But like everyone else, with or without cancer, I can only continue to live one day at a time.

As each new test further reduced the likelihood of my having recurrent cancer, I relaxed and regained my equanimity. The PET scan did not give a final answer. The needle biopsy produced just some inflammatory cells, no sign of malignancy. However, the new spot remains, and there is no good answer as to what it is.

Meanwhile, I am enjoying working 4 days a week. Mondays remain open for appointments, tests, exercise and just being with my husband. Thanksgiving is coming up(my favorite holiday), and we are starting to plan for Christmas. I try to enjoy each day despite my feeling of uncertainty. A followup CT scan to check on the new spot will occur late this month.

The PET scan was another adventure. The day before I could only eat protein and non-starchy vegetables. Never thought I would miss bread and FRUIT like I did. Not only that, but I couldn't exercise, was not even supposed to take a walk. Couch potato heaven without the snacks. On the day of the test I walked from the waiting room outside to a trailer, then up on a lift to get inside. There, an IV was started in my hand and radioactive sugar injected. I had to rest in a recliner for 45 minutes, not even allowed to read, waiting for my tissues to take up the glucose. If I fidgeted too much I might have caused excessive uptake of the glucose in my muscles and thus ruined the images. So I slept. Finally into another part of the trailer for a CT scan, ho hum after all I have had.

The results were more good than bad but not definitive. The new mass was not "hot" as a cancer would be expected to be but "warm", close to normal. The next step is a needle biopsy scheduled for Monday. I can't help being optimistic as more checks fall in the NOT CANCER column. If not a recurrence, what?

Last week began another routine followup, starting with blood work. I was a little frustrated as I was not able to get the results before the oncologist did, plus, I had to delay my CT scan until this Monday. As you might imagine, I was a bit anxious going in to the appointment. Though my tumor marker was the lowest it has ever been, and normal, my CT scan showed a new mass in my pelvis, small, but definitely new. This looked like a recurrence of the cancer, but why was my tumor marker normal? A PET scan is scheduled for next Monday to answer this question.

What a let down. Yesterday was my birthday and instead of celebrating, I sat in the oncologist's office with John, hearing bad news. Today I was back at work, queasy from worry, trying to enjoy the birthday surprises arranged for me. Among these was a wonderful chocolate cupcake. Mmmm. It went a long way toward improving my mood. Amazing how a group of happy, singing people could remove part of the burden I was carrying. And how attending to my patients' needs made the bad CT recede in my memory.

Thank you all.

Warm weather was late in arriving, waiting until the first day of summer. Our newly bought tomato plants barely held on. Though I welcome summer and being able to spend time working in the yard, I have had an unexpected response to the blue skies. I find myself remembering the days of chemotherapy last summer and how I felt, vividly, right down to the queasiness. What a bad joke, having something so beautiful remind me of those miserable days when I just sat in the recliner for hours on end. In response, I have gone outside, worked in the yard and bicycled, all of which banished the feeling, for now. Having a healthy summer will do a lot for my memories. On the other hand, just as certain smells and the song of the meadow lark bring me right back to my early childhood in Culdesac, I'm sure I will still be surprised at times by the association between glorious weather and the summer of 2010.

Happy Independence Day.

Kay

We just returned from Turkey where we travelled as part of a cultural exchange sponsored by the Pacifica Institute. The food was wonderful, featuring lots of fresh vegetables. We ate cucumbers, tomatoes and eggplant at all three meals, cabbage salad at lunch and dinner. Yogurt, lemon juice and crushed red chilies were common condiments. And the meat was delicious, grilled, most often,and wonderfully seasoned. We had baklava in all its variations for dessert, or baked rice pudding. Shops sell cones topped with "sticky" ice cream that doesn't drip or fall off the cone. This is making me hungry.

The Turkish people we met were warm, friendly and very generous. The country is about 98% Muslim. One of the tenets of Islam involves giving selflessly to others. This is manifested in society in many ways. Most surprising to me was the amount of private money poured into education. New universities established and supported completely by groups of businessmen seemed to be commonplace. Usually students are required to learn English. Many of these institutions stress the sciences, math and engineering. Similarly, private high schools and college prep tutoring centers have been developed. All have tuition comparable to schools in the US, and all have scholarship programs for needy students.

Health care is free. Patients can schedule their appointments on line and usually be seen the next day. Physician salaries are relatively high as more doctors are needed. Employers pay health premiums and social security from the first day someone is hired. All children 18 and under are covered. There is coverage for those who are unemployed or disabled but I was never able to understand how it differed from that of the employed person. We were told that most of the tax revenue comes from gasoline tax. Gas was about $12.00 a gallon. Other sources are property and sales tax.

Though half of our time was devoted to meeting with and getting to know all sorts of people, the rest was spent site seeing. We visited mosques, palaces, Roman ruins, rug makers, bazaars, ceramic painters and frescoed early Christian churches in underground cities. All fascinating to someone from a town just celebrating its 150th birthday.

If you get a chance to visit Turkey, don't pass it by.

Another three month check is behind me. There is still no sign of recurrent cancer. When I got the news last week I felt like celebrating. Lucky the weekend was coming up. Perhaps after July I will only need to go through the anxiety every 6 months. In May John and I will travel to Turkey with 7 or 8 others as guests of Pacifica Institute. Once we arrive in Istanbul we will put ourselves in our guide's hands and leave the rest to him. Intriguing e-mails about Ottoman history show up in my in box every 2 or 3 days. I must admit I know little about the country. Not too long after our return we head to Taiwan on the trip we missed last year due to my cancer diagnosis. Taipei has some marvelous museums. John will have meetings with officials having to do with international trade. What a difference a year makes. On April 21st I had my tumor removed, easy to remember as it was also the day of the explosion leading to the huge Gulf oil spill. I have vague memories of viewing footage of the burning platform as I recovered from the anesthetic. The Gulf and I both had a rough summer. I continue to be thankful for every day, my weight has almost returned to pre-cancer levels (boo), my neuropathy really is improving and gardening season is here. What more could I ask for?

Someone told me the other day that my sense of humor is better than it used to be. I do seem to be taking more time to enjoy both work and play as a result of my fight with the "bear."

A bear is a more fitting mascot for cancer than a crab. I think of crab as dinner, not as a threat. Treatment does seem to pluck you from the jaws of death, but not until a little mauling has occurred. It takes a while for the wounds to heal, and at any time you might meet the bear again along the way.

The exam at my surgeon's office this month was normal. Another CT scan is due in mid April along with another Ca 125. I alternate between feeling sure I am still cancer free and wondering what the treatment will be like if the tumor returns. April also marks the first anniversary of my diagnosis. I'll be wearing a bell to scare away any bears.

More great news! My CT scan and Ca 125 results are still normal!

Strangely, after half expecting an early recurrence, suddenly I must live assuming myself to be cancer free. Long term plans can be made with some expectation that I will see them come to fruition. I can't ignore my cholesterol any more. I'll miss those occasional hamburgers and fries. And I really need to return to exercising.

With the recent abnormally warm weather (record high temperature this past Sunday) I've been called to the garden. Lola loves having the chance to chase a tennis ball, too. The front yard is going to be so manicured by springtime... The squirrels are everywhere, searching for walnuts buried in the fall and eating the berries still remaining on our bushes. Even the birds are starting to get noisier.

Next testing, April.

Kay

A brown and gold squirrel is munching on a nut, sitting on a branch of our walnut tree. He looked down for a moment and then dropped the nut. I guess you shouldn't take for granted what you have in your grasp as it's all to easy to lose it. More mundanely, it reminds me of the effect of neuropathy on our dishes. John is threatening to buy all plastic plates and glasses.

Working part time continues to be rewarding and not overly tiring. I do admit to several long afternoon naps. It is a lovely time to return to work as most everyone is in the Christmas spirit. Sweet treats are everywhere. which is why my weight is rapidly returning to normal.

Tonight we will sing at the Christmas Eve service and John will sing a solo at the 11 PM service. Tomorrow, bright and early, we will drive to Boise to visit Caitlin, taking gifts from us and from her grandmother. We'll then share dinner and a relaxing evening.

Merry Christmas!

I'm really excited to be back at work. Yesterday was my first day. I have missed my patients and all the people I have worked with for so long. Instead of being tired at the end of a half day I was energized. So much so that it was hard to go to sleep last night. (But hard to get up this morning for an 8AM start.) Things are going well except for occasional clumsiness resulting in near falls.

Focusing on someone or something other than myself certainly has allowed me to forget about my fears and current symptoms. Being back at work has made me feel joyful, a phenomenon I did not expect. Appropriate for the Holiday season, don't you think?

Kay

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Not only does the ritual of counting my blessings appeal to me, but what could be better than a holiday centered around family and food. Since John's and my relatives are far away we have enjoyed recent Thanksgivings with friends and their various children and parents.

This year I have special reasons for giving thanks. I have emerged from my initial skirmish with cancer feeling well and ready to return to work. More importantly, I have learned the significance of the support and kindness of friends and family. Rare were the days last summer that I received neither a card, call or e-mail full of prayers and good wishes for my recovery. You all have my heartfelt thanks for helping me through this difficult time.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL!

The exciting news is that I am returning to work part time in December. To prepare for that I am learning Dragon, a voice recognition program so I can communicate with the electronic medical record. Due to the neuropathy my typing is terrible so using a microphone instead of the keyboard will help.

My sources suggest that the neuropathy from chemo is most intense 3-4 months after the last treatment, then in most cases it improves. Good news, but for now I have trouble with buttons and zippers. I can't feel my dog licking the side of my foot.

On the other hand, my endurance seems back to normal. Now I must exercise to improve my strength. Looks like I will be spending time in the gym this winter.

John and I enjoyed a recent trip to Coeur d'Alene where we toured north Idaho businesses with other state legislators. Silverwood's story is inspiring. We also learned about Boundary county; sounds like a great place to vacation.

We're looking forward to our trip to California to visit my mom. We haven't seen her since my diagnosis.

Kay

There is new dark fuzz on my scalp and some new hairs in my up until now absent eyebrows. I think I miss my eyebrows even more than my scalp hair. It must be the wig that helps. I am not skilled enough with an eyebrow pencil to fake them.

Meanwhile I am getting stronger. I swept up more leaves today while progressively removing items of clothing to stay cool. It is a beautiful but crisp Fall day. Many of the flowers are still profuse and seem to enjoy being out of the heat, the petunias especially. Little by little I am getting some of the Fall chores done. My main concern is the ivy that has overgrown and threatens to takeover.

Though I miss working, it is a pleasure to get some long neglected chores done. Things are going well.

We had fun in Boise, saw Caitlin and had some good food. I also planted some bulbs for spring. Hopefully there will be enough rain and sun for them to bloom. I saw two praying mantises while there; they are supposed to bring good luck, I think.

Last night I went to choir practice for the first time since April. It was great to laugh and sing , though I'm not sure my voice contributed that much. Again I felt the warmth of every one's prayers and good wishes. I'll never take them for granted.

Lola is getting more play time recently as my energy improves. She behaves better if she is a little tired. She gets me outside to do a little yard cleanup, too.

I am starting to make plans to return to work and will be talking to our administrator soon. I won't be able to do all I used to do so it will take some figuring out.

Great news! My CT scan showed no evidence of cancer! What a relief. Now I need to decide on whether or not I want something new called consolidation treatment. It has been demonstrated to be beneficial, but the agent used would make my neuropathy worse. I worry about not being able to take care of myself due to the neuropathy. My handwriting is shot already. I wouldn't be able to practice medicine. A difficult decision.

I drove today for the first time in a while. It went well, encouraging me. I'm noticeably stronger and have not had nausea in some time. Yesterday I swept up leaves in the front yard, just in time for the rain today. I have started to read medical journals for CME. So things continue to improve.

Kay

Hood River was great, plus I got a lot stronger while there. I guess I need to push myself a bit more. It was a long ride back home but we had a delicious lunch in Walla Walla. On the way in to Waitsburg I saw the profile of a sitting camel in a field by the side of the road. Thought I was hallucinating. As we drew closer we saw a camel sitting under a tree , actually. Had to be the strangest sight on the trip.

I have a CT of the abdomen and pelvis tomorrow, hopefully to confirm my remission. My neuropathy continues to plague me so I am starting a new med tonight: gabapentin. Along with being able to walk now without a cane and learning my neck is not unstable, I'm continuing to feel encouraged.

Kay

Posting from Hood River, Oregon where we have met John's brother and sister-in-law for a few days of vacation. We are staying in a Victorian house so my legs have grown stronger on the 2 flights of stairs. Yesterday we visited Maryhill Museum, truly out in the middle of nowhere. Today we are taking the train that runs up the valley towards Mt. Hood. As the weather has been great, it should be beautiful.
The restaurants here are fabulous!
Kay